May we know them, may we own them.. issues of oneself

I was asked to write regarding relationships, and I have before but I wasn’t as detailed as I will be in this post. I think just about all of us can admit we haven’t always owned up to our part in the mutual demise of a relationship. I can admit being that my support system is few and far in-between, through time I relied on a relationship to be my foundation for support. Also, feeling that way has been my biggest obstacle with obtaining true love and gaining a supporter. We are biologically inclined to be with someone, to have that companionship and togetherness. But, what we are not inclined to do is makeshift. We don’t make things or  people want us. What is for us will only be for us.

Often times I get asked why am I not in a relationship. Ironically, I thought that was a compliment, only because at that time I felt like I had no fault in being single. At that point in my life, the last thing I was concerned with was being with someone. 

Having dated the father of my son, it made me think that I could have it all -- a career, husband and being a mother.  Life didn’t happen that way.  Rushing has got to be the leading cause of most failed relationships aside from other factors. We rushed. I was broken prior to meeting him and he knew that. I should have mourned the loss of my previous boyfriend who died trying to stop a fight at a local party. Had I healed fully, I would have seen the red flags more clearly than I did. Now don’t get me wrong, my son was the best thing that came out of that relationship aside from, the lessons that it taught me. 

I pride myself in knowing and believing that I'm good being alone. It’s taken failed relationships for me to realize you cannot force what is not meant to be. Also, accountability for your part (in certain instances.) it’s easier said than done, but for me, it takes life to happen for me to learn. You can tell me and teach me all day but I’m an observer. Visual learner, I see things and I learn -- I experience things and I learn. Prior to moving back home recently, I promised myself that my focus would not be on a relationship. Because my success, my future and my son’s livelihood are worth so much more.

Self-love is truly the best love.  Another issue that comes to mind of not  having obtained a long-term committed relationship that lead to marriage is not having resolved previous relational issues. These microwavable relationships that are exposed on social media have set false hope.

When you love you, it shows.

At the end of the day, you cannot rely on these happy faces you see online. People choose to show you at their best moment in which you truly cannot know what they're going through. There are also couples who just have great communication skills in which their union flows. You cannot compare what you have to what someone else has. The comparison game will do nothing more than drain you emotionally.

Being genuinely happy alone is not a bad thing. We won't always have answers for everything though you should still embrace experiences and the growth that comes with it. Still trying to figure life out, still learning.

Change what you’re used to so you can accept what you need 💙
-Patricia H.

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I gave up.. then gave in..

Hey y'all!

It's been a while. A good 3 month hiatus from blogging, writing and creating. Depression set in. Life happened. Before I get started, I want to apologize for the lack of post. This has been one of my greatest outlets so for me to just leave instead of apply more, should tell you it has been that bad. The picture below was taken the day before I was served court papers.

So let me explain first. I've mentioned before and if I haven't I will now, that I'm a single mom, working full-time & in school full-time 2 semesters away from graduating. I am not on any state assistance and have not received child support for a longgg while. Needless to say, money has been super tight. Now we all have bills, that is a given. Some bills you can rob Peter to pay Paul and some.. you just have to pay that bad boy. Back in late may, my car was repossessed. I got it back, thank God for friends who are like family. I was still caught up in a financial bind having had to pay my Aunt back while keeping up with other bills. All of what my son and I have comes from me busting my ass. I was renting at my oldest brothers house since 2014 but was evicted due to non-payment. Yes guys, my blood brother had me evicted from his house over 2 months of not paying. Mind you, it wasn't consistent. 6 month difference but clearly money is more important than understanding your sister who's in school and working full-time with a 3 year old aka your nephew, is having a hard time but I digress. I could see if I was splurging and spending money on bullshit or not caring for my child though there are just some cold hearted people in this world still. I was heartbroken and upset at first, especially because hello this is supposed to be my brother, a guy who used to protect me and have my back. Also because I felt that my mom who was also living there became more mute. Just silenced on this, and as a mom I get it that you don't want to be caught in the middle but I'll be damned if Neko every did this to any of his future siblings. You just don't do that to your own or anybody, period. What goes around comes around. I have no problem admitting when I am wrong but I did absolutely nothing wrong. Unless you count falling short but, if you do, you're just as delusional as he is if you believe that's not valid. There are clearly deep rooted issues he may have, while at this point I'm uninterested in resolving any. My main focus is my son, blogging and expanding my brand reaching you all being any help I can.

Through all I've been through these past few months, I've honestly not ever been more present. Present in how I analyze what is transpiring, how to handle life without allowing my emotions to make decisions for me. Most importantly with being okay knowing all i truly have is God and my son on my side. I trust no one. I don't welcome sympathy. Instead, I want you to know that no matter what the hell you have going on, no matter how bad someone is hurting you right now or has, get your ass up and push through with everything you have left in you. Don't allow any one or thing else to leave you stagnant and complacent in this misery. WE are better than that. I'm currently not in the state he owned his home and no worries, we have a temporary place. & in the midst of all this madness, I landed a job with a well-known quote company where I will publish weekly articles regarding mental health as well as minority mental health!

I hope by me being away for these months shows you that we all have our own shit going on and granted, we are to use our outlets to subside these issues, sometimes we do and we will fall short. You cannot stay there on the ground. You will kill yourself before you even plan to. My heart is completely and utterly in this to help you. So please don't give up. I hope you enjoyed this post and have a great rest of the week!

xo

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Love thyself.. Self Love.

"Loving yourself is an essential part of success, If you don't, you can never trust yourself to gain it. Would you really trust someone with your life that you didn't love? Well, if you don't love yourself deep down and embrace it on a daily basis, how can you trust yourself to get what you want? There is a big difference between loving who you are, compared to loving who you pretend to be."

Have you ever been asked, "Do you truly love yourself?" whether you have or have not, answer that question. If it is yes and you truly love YOU and not the person you portray the world to see thats beautiful. But, if the answer is no and you don't know who you are this post is for you.

I chose this picture above because at this point in my life, I had just figured it out as far as what I wanted to do with school, being a single mom with little support, feeling like I needed a man because hell, I didn't have anyone else to hold me down. But, it clicked. As I told myself "You girlfriend are all you and this handsome little boy needs! You are everything someone is desperately waiting for, but they can't see it until you see it. Stop being so hard on yourself mama, you're perfect in every sense of God's creation!" It took me a good 7 years to that very day to learn who I am and to love Me for Me. I'm always told I'm beautiful, I have so much to offer the world and a man but it means nothing until I honestly believed and felt that way. It was some hardcore acceptance of things by way of patience, time, finding out what at one point made me happy excluding what I at that time, thought made me happy. When you love yourself unconditionally and unapologetically, you don't need someone to tell you you're worthy because you know your worth even if that means no one but yourself can see that. You have a different glow and it beams on anyone you see including those who could care less about it. Pretty much contagious!

I believe at times we are entirely too hard on ourselves to meet standards of others just to feel accepted by someone or even your own community. Guess what? No you don't! I used to think if I dressed a certain way, talked a certain way and addressed issues in a way that over the years people became accustomed to, I would always be accepted. And honestly, it worked. Until I had my son I didn't realize I was truly giving those around me an image in which now I know was negative being that I was better than that before I became the fake version of me. Who gives a damn about acceptance from people who are there for me that day but, by nightfall they were no where to be found? Take of the mask beautiful you are elating just how you are without it!

Now, when it comes to men.. lawd when it comes to men. Haha. That side of self-love took the longest to learn. When you feel like you're missing out on "finding him" because everyone around you has that ever lasting relationship that by way of societies eyes goes from relationship-engagement-marriage-family, or those that the scenarios of they had a child by a supportive boyfriend, or got married and then had kids. Its hard to accept that hey, great for them but its simply not my time. Have you ever thought that "maybe God is placing that part of my life on hold until His and my relationship are solid, I know who I am and what I deserve and then a man of God can come around and sweep me off my feet." Because its true! I've been tested these past few months with exes resurfacing and even one asking if I want a child with him (really fool!?). I almost slipped back into old habits of pleasing everyone but me, gratefully I didn't because I'm comfortable in stating my needs (notice needs not wants), what I will and will not accept, ultimately knowing that the Lord himself will send who is meant for myself and son when He sees it's time. As hard as it is to allow someone else to control that aspect of your life, it truly is refreshing not to have that what ends up being a burden to worry about. Of course you'll be told you're crazy, your standards are too high and whomp whomp whomp. Forget what you're told. That's the biggest lesson of learning YOU. YOU know they're misleading you while trying to bring you down to accept what they want to offer you. Girl or Boy please. Move on and most importantly L E T  T H E M  GO! We are all works in progress, it's time you continually tell yourself that it's okay you're not where you are in this love place, but you will get there by way of loving the process. You deserve the best in all aspects of life.

Life is too short for settlements. Learn yourself including your flaws, work on your own foundation, pray while allowing God to handle it, and live life. 

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