May we know them, may we own them.. issues of oneself

I was asked to write regarding relationships, and I have before but I wasn’t as detailed as I will be in this post. I think just about all of us can admit we haven’t always owned up to our part in the mutual demise of a relationship. I can admit being that my support system is few and far in-between, through time I relied on a relationship to be my foundation for support. Also, feeling that way has been my biggest obstacle with obtaining true love and gaining a supporter. We are biologically inclined to be with someone, to have that companionship and togetherness. But, what we are not inclined to do is makeshift. We don’t make things or  people want us. What is for us will only be for us.

Often times I get asked why am I not in a relationship. Ironically, I thought that was a compliment, only because at that time I felt like I had no fault in being single. At that point in my life, the last thing I was concerned with was being with someone. 

Having dated the father of my son, it made me think that I could have it all -- a career, husband and being a mother.  Life didn’t happen that way.  Rushing has got to be the leading cause of most failed relationships aside from other factors. We rushed. I was broken prior to meeting him and he knew that. I should have mourned the loss of my previous boyfriend who died trying to stop a fight at a local party. Had I healed fully, I would have seen the red flags more clearly than I did. Now don’t get me wrong, my son was the best thing that came out of that relationship aside from, the lessons that it taught me. 

I pride myself in knowing and believing that I'm good being alone. It’s taken failed relationships for me to realize you cannot force what is not meant to be. Also, accountability for your part (in certain instances.) it’s easier said than done, but for me, it takes life to happen for me to learn. You can tell me and teach me all day but I’m an observer. Visual learner, I see things and I learn -- I experience things and I learn. Prior to moving back home recently, I promised myself that my focus would not be on a relationship. Because my success, my future and my son’s livelihood are worth so much more.

Self-love is truly the best love.  Another issue that comes to mind of not  having obtained a long-term committed relationship that lead to marriage is not having resolved previous relational issues. These microwavable relationships that are exposed on social media have set false hope.

When you love you, it shows.

At the end of the day, you cannot rely on these happy faces you see online. People choose to show you at their best moment in which you truly cannot know what they're going through. There are also couples who just have great communication skills in which their union flows. You cannot compare what you have to what someone else has. The comparison game will do nothing more than drain you emotionally.

Being genuinely happy alone is not a bad thing. We won't always have answers for everything though you should still embrace experiences and the growth that comes with it. Still trying to figure life out, still learning.

Change what you’re used to so you can accept what you need 💙
-Patricia H.