May we know them, may we own them.. issues of oneself

I was asked to write regarding relationships, and I have before but I wasn’t as detailed as I will be in this post. I think just about all of us can admit we haven’t always owned up to our part in the mutual demise of a relationship. I can admit being that my support system is few and far in-between, through time I relied on a relationship to be my foundation for support. Also, feeling that way has been my biggest obstacle with obtaining true love and gaining a supporter. We are biologically inclined to be with someone, to have that companionship and togetherness. But, what we are not inclined to do is makeshift. We don’t make things or  people want us. What is for us will only be for us.

Often times I get asked why am I not in a relationship. Ironically, I thought that was a compliment, only because at that time I felt like I had no fault in being single. At that point in my life, the last thing I was concerned with was being with someone. 

Having dated the father of my son, it made me think that I could have it all -- a career, husband and being a mother.  Life didn’t happen that way.  Rushing has got to be the leading cause of most failed relationships aside from other factors. We rushed. I was broken prior to meeting him and he knew that. I should have mourned the loss of my previous boyfriend who died trying to stop a fight at a local party. Had I healed fully, I would have seen the red flags more clearly than I did. Now don’t get me wrong, my son was the best thing that came out of that relationship aside from, the lessons that it taught me. 

I pride myself in knowing and believing that I'm good being alone. It’s taken failed relationships for me to realize you cannot force what is not meant to be. Also, accountability for your part (in certain instances.) it’s easier said than done, but for me, it takes life to happen for me to learn. You can tell me and teach me all day but I’m an observer. Visual learner, I see things and I learn -- I experience things and I learn. Prior to moving back home recently, I promised myself that my focus would not be on a relationship. Because my success, my future and my son’s livelihood are worth so much more.

Self-love is truly the best love.  Another issue that comes to mind of not  having obtained a long-term committed relationship that lead to marriage is not having resolved previous relational issues. These microwavable relationships that are exposed on social media have set false hope.

When you love you, it shows.

At the end of the day, you cannot rely on these happy faces you see online. People choose to show you at their best moment in which you truly cannot know what they're going through. There are also couples who just have great communication skills in which their union flows. You cannot compare what you have to what someone else has. The comparison game will do nothing more than drain you emotionally.

Being genuinely happy alone is not a bad thing. We won't always have answers for everything though you should still embrace experiences and the growth that comes with it. Still trying to figure life out, still learning.

Change what you’re used to so you can accept what you need 💙
-Patricia H.

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#helloOctober

Hey Guys!

Can you believe its already October?! I know I'm 10 days late in asking but seriously!!! This year has seriously flown by so fast and I am NOT even half prepared for it. My son turns 4 next month and do you think this mama made plans? LOL. Not even close. Not to mention Christmas right after. I've saw online these #helloOctober hashtags with beautiful fall colors, food, drinks and all of falls glory (my favorite season..ever) and I wanted to do something different.

I'd like to be more present in each season. Normally I'd write about how I'm feeling or what recently happened in the past few days, but, this season has had it's fair share of some okay, good, great, shitty and horrid moments. I'm thankful for it all. Most thankful because it taught me how to literally be still. Enjoy right now. I've been at home with my son and doing home preschool since due to his birth date, he cannot enroll until next year, and let me tell you, my baby boy is advanced (thank you Jesus!). He loves to count numbers (up to 100 so far) and telling me about different animals. So what I intend to do is take him out on more nature walks and do some exploring. I hope he doesn't ever lose his sense of wanting to know about everything.

I found some cute ideas on Pintrest for my moms who are thinking of starting their own at home preschools!

These are some great ideas at a reasonable cost (this mama stays on a budget lol). There will plenty of people against homeschool, but people will have an opinion about you as well as your parenting until the day you die. Do what you know is best for your child. With all thats going on in this world, don't ever stop thinking you can't go above and beyond for their safety. I didn't ever think I would want to homeschool any of my kids, but, the one on one interaction I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world. It also helps him get on a schedule so that if and when I decide he goes to public or private school, he will be set to arrive.. on time lol. Let me know what you guys think!

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Balance.

Hey guys!

As you can obviously see from the lack of post.. I took a longggg break from blogging and YouTubing. I had some moments of self-doubt and allowing satan to win with telling me this blog was useless. But as time went on, I received great words of encouragement from peers and my pastor to keep going. Life will continue to throw curve balls to check your game and I can admit that sometimes I'll say screw it and go back to old habits.

This blog has given me a different feel of motivation. I was distracted by life, bills, money, being a mom, my relationship and just figuring things out. I took 2 weeks off of work but more time offline to figure out how I would approach this aspect of my life and just how this will contribute to my community. It's hard enough trying to keep up with motherhood, work and school. Add some financial troubles and a vacation turning out totally different than you had planned in your mind! [Shout out to my daydreams! :)] Overall, being on vacation in general has taught me this is all about balance and self approach.

If I continue to have negative thoughts and complete task negatively, nothing good comes from that. I've been inviting victory while not allowing things or people who bring/speak negative talk to prosper. We are all on different paths in life not everyone will understand what you're doing until its done or has set an impact on people. I learned a lot about myself, my parenting style that I thought I was doing so well at, though there is always room for improvement in just about everything, and what actually makes me happy. No doubt my son is a big factor, but being around my family and extended family is what life is really about!



I want to apologize to those who have been checking on my blog for updates, resources or just in general. I can assure you I'm back for good this time and have some good videos stirring up in the making! I've recently saw some IG and blog post for something called "Self-Care Sunday" where people take an entire day devoted to taking care of themselves. Ranging from the nail salon, hiking, no cellphone usage to reading a few books.

For Self-care Sunday, today is all about self-reassurance, with some homework on the side. Ha! Life isn't going to be blossoming tulips (my favorite flower), but life goes on and is too short to dwell on what's going wrong temporarily. I've noticed that a lot of what goes wrong in peoples lives literally determines their outcome because they don't have enough self-discipline or self-confidence to constantly remind themselves this is temporary all the while there is so much more that will eventually go right.

What all will you do this self-care Sunday?

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Love thyself.. Self Love.

"Loving yourself is an essential part of success, If you don't, you can never trust yourself to gain it. Would you really trust someone with your life that you didn't love? Well, if you don't love yourself deep down and embrace it on a daily basis, how can you trust yourself to get what you want? There is a big difference between loving who you are, compared to loving who you pretend to be."

Have you ever been asked, "Do you truly love yourself?" whether you have or have not, answer that question. If it is yes and you truly love YOU and not the person you portray the world to see thats beautiful. But, if the answer is no and you don't know who you are this post is for you.

I chose this picture above because at this point in my life, I had just figured it out as far as what I wanted to do with school, being a single mom with little support, feeling like I needed a man because hell, I didn't have anyone else to hold me down. But, it clicked. As I told myself "You girlfriend are all you and this handsome little boy needs! You are everything someone is desperately waiting for, but they can't see it until you see it. Stop being so hard on yourself mama, you're perfect in every sense of God's creation!" It took me a good 7 years to that very day to learn who I am and to love Me for Me. I'm always told I'm beautiful, I have so much to offer the world and a man but it means nothing until I honestly believed and felt that way. It was some hardcore acceptance of things by way of patience, time, finding out what at one point made me happy excluding what I at that time, thought made me happy. When you love yourself unconditionally and unapologetically, you don't need someone to tell you you're worthy because you know your worth even if that means no one but yourself can see that. You have a different glow and it beams on anyone you see including those who could care less about it. Pretty much contagious!

I believe at times we are entirely too hard on ourselves to meet standards of others just to feel accepted by someone or even your own community. Guess what? No you don't! I used to think if I dressed a certain way, talked a certain way and addressed issues in a way that over the years people became accustomed to, I would always be accepted. And honestly, it worked. Until I had my son I didn't realize I was truly giving those around me an image in which now I know was negative being that I was better than that before I became the fake version of me. Who gives a damn about acceptance from people who are there for me that day but, by nightfall they were no where to be found? Take of the mask beautiful you are elating just how you are without it!

Now, when it comes to men.. lawd when it comes to men. Haha. That side of self-love took the longest to learn. When you feel like you're missing out on "finding him" because everyone around you has that ever lasting relationship that by way of societies eyes goes from relationship-engagement-marriage-family, or those that the scenarios of they had a child by a supportive boyfriend, or got married and then had kids. Its hard to accept that hey, great for them but its simply not my time. Have you ever thought that "maybe God is placing that part of my life on hold until His and my relationship are solid, I know who I am and what I deserve and then a man of God can come around and sweep me off my feet." Because its true! I've been tested these past few months with exes resurfacing and even one asking if I want a child with him (really fool!?). I almost slipped back into old habits of pleasing everyone but me, gratefully I didn't because I'm comfortable in stating my needs (notice needs not wants), what I will and will not accept, ultimately knowing that the Lord himself will send who is meant for myself and son when He sees it's time. As hard as it is to allow someone else to control that aspect of your life, it truly is refreshing not to have that what ends up being a burden to worry about. Of course you'll be told you're crazy, your standards are too high and whomp whomp whomp. Forget what you're told. That's the biggest lesson of learning YOU. YOU know they're misleading you while trying to bring you down to accept what they want to offer you. Girl or Boy please. Move on and most importantly L E T  T H E M  GO! We are all works in progress, it's time you continually tell yourself that it's okay you're not where you are in this love place, but you will get there by way of loving the process. You deserve the best in all aspects of life.

Life is too short for settlements. Learn yourself including your flaws, work on your own foundation, pray while allowing God to handle it, and live life. 

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