Rooting in Relationships.

At some point or another, we have to really take a step back and evaluate how our relationship pattern flourishes and demises. Adamant about being a people pleaser, surely it was easy for someone to see “she won’t know she’s getting played, she’s too nice.” I have had my share of reality checks when it came to relationships. But what really set the tone is when I noticed how much it affects my friendships with people. To be honest, I’ve been selfish all these years to have believed if you had my back, you should have it through the ups and downs. That’s not how life works. At some point, you get tired of repetitive cycles. Just as in any relationship you both will change. For good or bad, the ultimate decision to stay is; yours.

For me, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I used to milk the fact guys would come flocking. When I had my first heartbreak, that image shattered which since then, the revolving door of the same type of guys I went for carried on. It wasn’t until recently when my girlfriend of 11 years told me “I love you but something has to change.” It finally hit me. You will not grow into the woman you are meant to be by repeating the same shit you’ve been doing all this time. I had to take a step back and really evaluate myself and the personalities/qualities I would choose in a significant other. More importantly, gain knowledge on exactly what the hell possessed me to think I wasn’t worthy of what I knew I deserved. Why is that? Because back then to me, Words > actions. Crazy I know. 

As if for everything else in life. Decisions are made by you. I’ve let a lot of previous relationships control my emotions and self-worth solely because I shut down when it didn’t work. To me, that was the best way to cope with what I thought every time was a devastating loss. Not to mention I would vent to my friends but block them out because the truth was too much to bear. Seriously though? You really let a guy or a person for that matter, dictate your value and self-worth? GIRL SNAP OUT OF IT! I initially stopped writing because of a relationship. Over time I’ve gained the knowledge that Relationships are supposed to compliment you and make you better not hinder you from progression.

No man or woman can undermine your capabilities UNLESS you allow it. Basking in your emotions for a second is more than enough but a few days, weeks or months.. you’re selling yourself short. How is it that some of us honestly believe we can’t make it without having a physical being by our side or in our life? That’s when you would really need to dig deep and see what happened in previous years which allowed you to settle for mediocre. Not to mention, your real friends will give you the hardcore truth & you have to stop running from it. Embrace it and use it towards your growth.

We are too hard on ourselves at times. How can we ever feel like we aren’t worthy enough of whatever it is we want just because some guy/girl couldn’t handle real and geniality  (you) which made us feel less than? We become rooted in what we allow. Not just in relationships but in life. I really thought “positive thoughts equals a positive life” was so cliche but it really is true. It’s not something that with a snap of a finger will change. It takes consistency, the effort of self and patience. Prayer. Y’all, prayer, and belief are so powerful! 

Respect your process and stay afloat. The comparison game really is deadly so stray away from doing so. Where you are is just fine but don’t stay there. You mean so much to those that love you, more importantly, God is still using you, love. Own it. Embrace it. Love you for you. Love through the pain. Most importantly, continue growing. The bounce back is stronger than the setback. Know that!

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Back to Reality!

In the weeks it's been since my last post, I've come full circle to what this blog intends to mean to me and hopefully others. Support and change. When you first start a project that you hope sheds light to a topic that needs to be addressed, there are doubts and roadblocks towards success. 

I've doubted my ability to produce a foundation that sets a connection to other minorities like myself who didn't have the voice of saying "I need a friend. I need someone who truly has my back without judgement. Someone that understands there really are food and bad days out of my control." And ultimately the friend I ended up having was always with me; God. I don't intend to spike religion on here whatsoever I just want you all to know I would not be here without him. 

When you're dealing with anything related to the minority demographic, there are so many people that believe this is a putty party, why can't y'all just leave the past where it is, the topics you want to discuss aren't valid issues. And I ended up believing what I was told for a few moments. But you know what, the problem with what they're saying is I HEARD them, but I didn't UNDERSTAND them. What they were truly saying was "all your people do is complain and not make change. We don't care about your issues nor do we want to see you shine above us." 

I'll be damned. I'll be damned if another day goes by where credit isn't given where it's due. I'll be damned if I keep letting the devil attack me and mines from success and oppression. I'll be damned if another materialistic want has more control over my need of fixation than the reality of truly is needed comfort and growth.

I don't want you guys to think that just because someone is doing better than you are IN THIS VERY MOMENT that you won't ever climb taller. In the sermon today at church Bishop Jakes spoke the gospel that in fact, you shouldn't be jealous that someone is doing better because they're actually planted in your life to prepare you for where God has intended you to be. Jealously is a sin, and if you continue to feed that sin, you will stay stagnant. Now, I wasn't raised religious at all and I'm not saying I am now. I'm still learning the gospel and growing as a God fearing woman, but God has proven time and time again even to non-believers that if you trust in what he tells you to do, he will exceed your expectations!

He is showing my favor lately and I owe it to serve His purpose He has for me. I'm here to serve those who don't have anyone to turn to. Who feel stuck. Who something is wrong and can't figure it out. This blog was intended to voice on mental illness and awareness which it still will, but I've also said the door is open to discuss LIFE as well. I'm here, so is He.

I hope you all have a safe Memorial weekend and remember it is dedicated to those who risked their lives for our safety. 

Love & Light,

Tricia

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Balance.

Hey guys!

As you can obviously see from the lack of post.. I took a longggg break from blogging and YouTubing. I had some moments of self-doubt and allowing satan to win with telling me this blog was useless. But as time went on, I received great words of encouragement from peers and my pastor to keep going. Life will continue to throw curve balls to check your game and I can admit that sometimes I'll say screw it and go back to old habits.

This blog has given me a different feel of motivation. I was distracted by life, bills, money, being a mom, my relationship and just figuring things out. I took 2 weeks off of work but more time offline to figure out how I would approach this aspect of my life and just how this will contribute to my community. It's hard enough trying to keep up with motherhood, work and school. Add some financial troubles and a vacation turning out totally different than you had planned in your mind! [Shout out to my daydreams! :)] Overall, being on vacation in general has taught me this is all about balance and self approach.

If I continue to have negative thoughts and complete task negatively, nothing good comes from that. I've been inviting victory while not allowing things or people who bring/speak negative talk to prosper. We are all on different paths in life not everyone will understand what you're doing until its done or has set an impact on people. I learned a lot about myself, my parenting style that I thought I was doing so well at, though there is always room for improvement in just about everything, and what actually makes me happy. No doubt my son is a big factor, but being around my family and extended family is what life is really about!



I want to apologize to those who have been checking on my blog for updates, resources or just in general. I can assure you I'm back for good this time and have some good videos stirring up in the making! I've recently saw some IG and blog post for something called "Self-Care Sunday" where people take an entire day devoted to taking care of themselves. Ranging from the nail salon, hiking, no cellphone usage to reading a few books.

For Self-care Sunday, today is all about self-reassurance, with some homework on the side. Ha! Life isn't going to be blossoming tulips (my favorite flower), but life goes on and is too short to dwell on what's going wrong temporarily. I've noticed that a lot of what goes wrong in peoples lives literally determines their outcome because they don't have enough self-discipline or self-confidence to constantly remind themselves this is temporary all the while there is so much more that will eventually go right.

What all will you do this self-care Sunday?

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Love thyself.. Self Love.

"Loving yourself is an essential part of success, If you don't, you can never trust yourself to gain it. Would you really trust someone with your life that you didn't love? Well, if you don't love yourself deep down and embrace it on a daily basis, how can you trust yourself to get what you want? There is a big difference between loving who you are, compared to loving who you pretend to be."

Have you ever been asked, "Do you truly love yourself?" whether you have or have not, answer that question. If it is yes and you truly love YOU and not the person you portray the world to see thats beautiful. But, if the answer is no and you don't know who you are this post is for you.

I chose this picture above because at this point in my life, I had just figured it out as far as what I wanted to do with school, being a single mom with little support, feeling like I needed a man because hell, I didn't have anyone else to hold me down. But, it clicked. As I told myself "You girlfriend are all you and this handsome little boy needs! You are everything someone is desperately waiting for, but they can't see it until you see it. Stop being so hard on yourself mama, you're perfect in every sense of God's creation!" It took me a good 7 years to that very day to learn who I am and to love Me for Me. I'm always told I'm beautiful, I have so much to offer the world and a man but it means nothing until I honestly believed and felt that way. It was some hardcore acceptance of things by way of patience, time, finding out what at one point made me happy excluding what I at that time, thought made me happy. When you love yourself unconditionally and unapologetically, you don't need someone to tell you you're worthy because you know your worth even if that means no one but yourself can see that. You have a different glow and it beams on anyone you see including those who could care less about it. Pretty much contagious!

I believe at times we are entirely too hard on ourselves to meet standards of others just to feel accepted by someone or even your own community. Guess what? No you don't! I used to think if I dressed a certain way, talked a certain way and addressed issues in a way that over the years people became accustomed to, I would always be accepted. And honestly, it worked. Until I had my son I didn't realize I was truly giving those around me an image in which now I know was negative being that I was better than that before I became the fake version of me. Who gives a damn about acceptance from people who are there for me that day but, by nightfall they were no where to be found? Take of the mask beautiful you are elating just how you are without it!

Now, when it comes to men.. lawd when it comes to men. Haha. That side of self-love took the longest to learn. When you feel like you're missing out on "finding him" because everyone around you has that ever lasting relationship that by way of societies eyes goes from relationship-engagement-marriage-family, or those that the scenarios of they had a child by a supportive boyfriend, or got married and then had kids. Its hard to accept that hey, great for them but its simply not my time. Have you ever thought that "maybe God is placing that part of my life on hold until His and my relationship are solid, I know who I am and what I deserve and then a man of God can come around and sweep me off my feet." Because its true! I've been tested these past few months with exes resurfacing and even one asking if I want a child with him (really fool!?). I almost slipped back into old habits of pleasing everyone but me, gratefully I didn't because I'm comfortable in stating my needs (notice needs not wants), what I will and will not accept, ultimately knowing that the Lord himself will send who is meant for myself and son when He sees it's time. As hard as it is to allow someone else to control that aspect of your life, it truly is refreshing not to have that what ends up being a burden to worry about. Of course you'll be told you're crazy, your standards are too high and whomp whomp whomp. Forget what you're told. That's the biggest lesson of learning YOU. YOU know they're misleading you while trying to bring you down to accept what they want to offer you. Girl or Boy please. Move on and most importantly L E T  T H E M  GO! We are all works in progress, it's time you continually tell yourself that it's okay you're not where you are in this love place, but you will get there by way of loving the process. You deserve the best in all aspects of life.

Life is too short for settlements. Learn yourself including your flaws, work on your own foundation, pray while allowing God to handle it, and live life. 

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