At some point or another, we have to really take a step back and evaluate how our relationship pattern flourishes and demises. Adamant about being a people pleaser, surely it was easy for someone to see “she won’t know she’s getting played, she’s too nice.” I have had my share of reality checks when it came to relationships. But what really set the tone is when I noticed how much it affects my friendships with people. To be honest, I’ve been selfish all these years to have believed if you had my back, you should have it through the ups and downs. That’s not how life works. At some point, you get tired of repetitive cycles. Just as in any relationship you both will change. For good or bad, the ultimate decision to stay is; yours.
For me, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I used to milk the fact guys would come flocking. When I had my first heartbreak, that image shattered which since then, the revolving door of the same type of guys I went for carried on. It wasn’t until recently when my girlfriend of 11 years told me “I love you but something has to change.” It finally hit me. You will not grow into the woman you are meant to be by repeating the same shit you’ve been doing all this time. I had to take a step back and really evaluate myself and the personalities/qualities I would choose in a significant other. More importantly, gain knowledge on exactly what the hell possessed me to think I wasn’t worthy of what I knew I deserved. Why is that? Because back then to me, Words > actions. Crazy I know.
As if for everything else in life. Decisions are made by you. I’ve let a lot of previous relationships control my emotions and self-worth solely because I shut down when it didn’t work. To me, that was the best way to cope with what I thought every time was a devastating loss. Not to mention I would vent to my friends but block them out because the truth was too much to bear. Seriously though? You really let a guy or a person for that matter, dictate your value and self-worth? GIRL SNAP OUT OF IT! I initially stopped writing because of a relationship. Over time I’ve gained the knowledge that Relationships are supposed to compliment you and make you better not hinder you from progression.
No man or woman can undermine your capabilities UNLESS you allow it. Basking in your emotions for a second is more than enough but a few days, weeks or months.. you’re selling yourself short. How is it that some of us honestly believe we can’t make it without having a physical being by our side or in our life? That’s when you would really need to dig deep and see what happened in previous years which allowed you to settle for mediocre. Not to mention, your real friends will give you the hardcore truth & you have to stop running from it. Embrace it and use it towards your growth.
We are too hard on ourselves at times. How can we ever feel like we aren’t worthy enough of whatever it is we want just because some guy/girl couldn’t handle real and geniality (you) which made us feel less than? We become rooted in what we allow. Not just in relationships but in life. I really thought “positive thoughts equals a positive life” was so cliche but it really is true. It’s not something that with a snap of a finger will change. It takes consistency, the effort of self and patience. Prayer. Y’all, prayer, and belief are so powerful!
Respect your process and stay afloat. The comparison game really is deadly so stray away from doing so. Where you are is just fine but don’t stay there. You mean so much to those that love you, more importantly, God is still using you, love. Own it. Embrace it. Love you for you. Love through the pain. Most importantly, continue growing. The bounce back is stronger than the setback. Know that!
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