May we know them, may we own them.. issues of oneself

I was asked to write regarding relationships, and I have before but I wasn’t as detailed as I will be in this post. I think just about all of us can admit we haven’t always owned up to our part in the mutual demise of a relationship. I can admit being that my support system is few and far in-between, through time I relied on a relationship to be my foundation for support. Also, feeling that way has been my biggest obstacle with obtaining true love and gaining a supporter. We are biologically inclined to be with someone, to have that companionship and togetherness. But, what we are not inclined to do is makeshift. We don’t make things or  people want us. What is for us will only be for us.

Often times I get asked why am I not in a relationship. Ironically, I thought that was a compliment, only because at that time I felt like I had no fault in being single. At that point in my life, the last thing I was concerned with was being with someone. 

Having dated the father of my son, it made me think that I could have it all -- a career, husband and being a mother.  Life didn’t happen that way.  Rushing has got to be the leading cause of most failed relationships aside from other factors. We rushed. I was broken prior to meeting him and he knew that. I should have mourned the loss of my previous boyfriend who died trying to stop a fight at a local party. Had I healed fully, I would have seen the red flags more clearly than I did. Now don’t get me wrong, my son was the best thing that came out of that relationship aside from, the lessons that it taught me. 

I pride myself in knowing and believing that I'm good being alone. It’s taken failed relationships for me to realize you cannot force what is not meant to be. Also, accountability for your part (in certain instances.) it’s easier said than done, but for me, it takes life to happen for me to learn. You can tell me and teach me all day but I’m an observer. Visual learner, I see things and I learn -- I experience things and I learn. Prior to moving back home recently, I promised myself that my focus would not be on a relationship. Because my success, my future and my son’s livelihood are worth so much more.

Self-love is truly the best love.  Another issue that comes to mind of not  having obtained a long-term committed relationship that lead to marriage is not having resolved previous relational issues. These microwavable relationships that are exposed on social media have set false hope.

When you love you, it shows.

At the end of the day, you cannot rely on these happy faces you see online. People choose to show you at their best moment in which you truly cannot know what they're going through. There are also couples who just have great communication skills in which their union flows. You cannot compare what you have to what someone else has. The comparison game will do nothing more than drain you emotionally.

Being genuinely happy alone is not a bad thing. We won't always have answers for everything though you should still embrace experiences and the growth that comes with it. Still trying to figure life out, still learning.

Change what you’re used to so you can accept what you need 💙
-Patricia H.

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#helloOctober

Hey Guys!

Can you believe its already October?! I know I'm 10 days late in asking but seriously!!! This year has seriously flown by so fast and I am NOT even half prepared for it. My son turns 4 next month and do you think this mama made plans? LOL. Not even close. Not to mention Christmas right after. I've saw online these #helloOctober hashtags with beautiful fall colors, food, drinks and all of falls glory (my favorite season..ever) and I wanted to do something different.

I'd like to be more present in each season. Normally I'd write about how I'm feeling or what recently happened in the past few days, but, this season has had it's fair share of some okay, good, great, shitty and horrid moments. I'm thankful for it all. Most thankful because it taught me how to literally be still. Enjoy right now. I've been at home with my son and doing home preschool since due to his birth date, he cannot enroll until next year, and let me tell you, my baby boy is advanced (thank you Jesus!). He loves to count numbers (up to 100 so far) and telling me about different animals. So what I intend to do is take him out on more nature walks and do some exploring. I hope he doesn't ever lose his sense of wanting to know about everything.

I found some cute ideas on Pintrest for my moms who are thinking of starting their own at home preschools!

These are some great ideas at a reasonable cost (this mama stays on a budget lol). There will plenty of people against homeschool, but people will have an opinion about you as well as your parenting until the day you die. Do what you know is best for your child. With all thats going on in this world, don't ever stop thinking you can't go above and beyond for their safety. I didn't ever think I would want to homeschool any of my kids, but, the one on one interaction I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world. It also helps him get on a schedule so that if and when I decide he goes to public or private school, he will be set to arrive.. on time lol. Let me know what you guys think!

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I gave up.. then gave in..

Hey y'all!

It's been a while. A good 3 month hiatus from blogging, writing and creating. Depression set in. Life happened. Before I get started, I want to apologize for the lack of post. This has been one of my greatest outlets so for me to just leave instead of apply more, should tell you it has been that bad. The picture below was taken the day before I was served court papers.

So let me explain first. I've mentioned before and if I haven't I will now, that I'm a single mom, working full-time & in school full-time 2 semesters away from graduating. I am not on any state assistance and have not received child support for a longgg while. Needless to say, money has been super tight. Now we all have bills, that is a given. Some bills you can rob Peter to pay Paul and some.. you just have to pay that bad boy. Back in late may, my car was repossessed. I got it back, thank God for friends who are like family. I was still caught up in a financial bind having had to pay my Aunt back while keeping up with other bills. All of what my son and I have comes from me busting my ass. I was renting at my oldest brothers house since 2014 but was evicted due to non-payment. Yes guys, my blood brother had me evicted from his house over 2 months of not paying. Mind you, it wasn't consistent. 6 month difference but clearly money is more important than understanding your sister who's in school and working full-time with a 3 year old aka your nephew, is having a hard time but I digress. I could see if I was splurging and spending money on bullshit or not caring for my child though there are just some cold hearted people in this world still. I was heartbroken and upset at first, especially because hello this is supposed to be my brother, a guy who used to protect me and have my back. Also because I felt that my mom who was also living there became more mute. Just silenced on this, and as a mom I get it that you don't want to be caught in the middle but I'll be damned if Neko every did this to any of his future siblings. You just don't do that to your own or anybody, period. What goes around comes around. I have no problem admitting when I am wrong but I did absolutely nothing wrong. Unless you count falling short but, if you do, you're just as delusional as he is if you believe that's not valid. There are clearly deep rooted issues he may have, while at this point I'm uninterested in resolving any. My main focus is my son, blogging and expanding my brand reaching you all being any help I can.

Through all I've been through these past few months, I've honestly not ever been more present. Present in how I analyze what is transpiring, how to handle life without allowing my emotions to make decisions for me. Most importantly with being okay knowing all i truly have is God and my son on my side. I trust no one. I don't welcome sympathy. Instead, I want you to know that no matter what the hell you have going on, no matter how bad someone is hurting you right now or has, get your ass up and push through with everything you have left in you. Don't allow any one or thing else to leave you stagnant and complacent in this misery. WE are better than that. I'm currently not in the state he owned his home and no worries, we have a temporary place. & in the midst of all this madness, I landed a job with a well-known quote company where I will publish weekly articles regarding mental health as well as minority mental health!

I hope by me being away for these months shows you that we all have our own shit going on and granted, we are to use our outlets to subside these issues, sometimes we do and we will fall short. You cannot stay there on the ground. You will kill yourself before you even plan to. My heart is completely and utterly in this to help you. So please don't give up. I hope you enjoyed this post and have a great rest of the week!

xo

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